


brothers

by goducksgo



Series: !magic! [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Albus Severus Potter Deserves the World, Albus Severus Potter Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Love, Coming Out, Depressed Albus Severus Potter, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Albus Severus Potter, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Internalized Homophobia, James Sirius Potter is a Good Brother, James Sirius Potter is a Good Sibling, M/M, Nightmares, POV James Sirius Potter, Panic Attacks, Pre-Slash, Quidditch is a Real Sport, Rated T for language, Scorpius Malfoy & Albus Severus Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23574289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goducksgo/pseuds/goducksgo
Summary: what does it mean to be a brother?it means being a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, and an ear to listen. being a brother means building and breaking bridges, celebrating victories and mourning losses together. being a brother means so many different things to so many people, but it all comes back to passion and compassion. - the odyssey__________________james and albus after the events of cursed child.
Relationships: Albus Severus Potter & James Sirius Potter, Scorpius Malfoy & Albus Severus Potter
Series: !magic! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1696918
Comments: 7
Kudos: 83





	brothers

**Author's Note:**

> omg i can't believe i've finished this oneshot! i love all things harry potter, but cursed child was by far my favourite, and so i thought i'd write this - incredibly angsty and fluffy at the same time - canon compliant fic about the brotherly relationship between james and albus - it took about 5 straight hours of writing, please enjoy! comments and kudos completely make my day !!
> 
> ** may 4th update: rewritten in proper case and some small changes made!

**_Home_ **

**_08.30.2021_ **

I knocked on my brother’s door twice, waiting a few moments before hearing a quiet “come in.” I opened the door to find Albus packing his trunk, albeit rather slowly. 

Albus looked up to see me. “What do you want?” he asked defensively, continuing to place his new textbooks into his trunk. 

“Nothing.” I shrugged, sitting down on my little brother’s bed. 

“If mom and dad need me for something, I’ll be down in a minute, I’m almost done packing -”

“No, it’s not that.” I interrupted, wringing my hands slightly. I was never known to give  _ great _ apologies. 

I cleared my throat. “I just wanted to say sorry.” 

Albus didn’t look at me, instead briskly walking over to his desk in the corner of his room, retrieving a couple quills and returning to his open trunk. 

I decided to continue. “I'm your brother, and I shouldn’t have just stood by while you were getting bullied last year,” I admitted. “And I know it’s my last year at Hogwarts but I'm gonna try and, you know, be a better brother from now on.” I finished, Albus giving me no indication that he was listening. 

“Are you done?” he asked bluntly, closing his trunk and looking at me, seemingly waiting for me to leave.

“What the hell is your problem?” I retorted, getting off Albus’ bed and crossing my arms. 

“Nothing.” my brother replied, composed. “You can go tell Mum and Dad you’ve apologized now.” 

“Jesus Christ, Albus, I - ” I grabbed Albus’ arm, noticing him flinch slightly, before he yanked it back towards him. 

I took a breath. “Mum and Dad didn’t put me up to do anything.”

“Yeah, right.” Albus scoffed. 

“Fine. Believe me or not, I don’t care.” I started to leave the bedroom. “I  _ am  _ sorry.” I reiterated once more, looking back at Albus sitting cross-legged on his bed. 

“Okay.” he replied quietly. I closed the door behind me and headed to my room. 

_ Why couldn’t he just open up more? God knows Lily does it enough. She literally barrelled right into me in the corridor after Quidditch finals, and then proceeded to retell the entire event of her first kiss with that douchebag from Ravenclaw -  _

_ Am I doing something wrong? I mean, I think of myself as a decent big brother. But it was shitty of me, letting Albus get bullied by everyone at school the past four years.  _

_ Fuck. FOUR years. That, that’s a long time.  _

_ Maybe I'm not that great a brother after all.  _

______________________________

**_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ **

**_11.04.2021_ **

I was hurrying through the corridors, trying to remember where the hospital wing was.  _ Second floor, left here, and then a right -  _

Before I knew it, I was bursting into the wing, quite a dramatic entrance for the deserted space - it was three in the morning - and spotted Albus in a bed near the window. 

I walked over to my brother’s bed and noticed he wasn’t as banged up as I thought he’d be - just a white bandage wrapped around his left wrist - when he looked at me. And it wasn’t with the usual annoyance, emotionless, or angry eyes, it was with pure  _ fear _ . 

“J-James, what are you doing here?” he blurted out, his eyes wide in shock and his breathing starting to quicken. 

“They told me they found you in the bathrooms bleeding to near-death.” I replied, carefully taking note of Albus’ state. “What happened?” I tried to ask gently, but it only made things worse. 

“I, I can’t breathe.” Albus sputtered, taking quick short breaths and grabbing at the cloak near his neck. 

“Fuck, I mean, just calm down - ” I tried to reassure Albus, but it wasn’t helping, he was ghostly pale and his breathing ragged. I didn’t know what to do. I felt frozen in my seat when I heard the doors bang open again. 

Scorpius ran to Albus’ bedside, completely ignoring me, his eyes focused on his best friend, who was now at the verge of passing out. 

“Albus, hey, it’s gonna be okay.” he said softly. “Can I hold your hand?”

My brother gave a quick nod, letting Scorpius intertwine his shaking hand with one of his own.

“You gotta breathe, Albus. In through your nose, out your mouth.” the blond boy said, breathing in and out slowly to show Albus.

I started to rack my brain for spells.  _ There had to be something that could fix this, right? _

“Alright, one more time.” Scorpius continued to breathe in tune with his best friend, who was now inhaling a bit slower and starting to calm down. 

I wanted to say something reassuring too, but my mouth just wouldn’t move. 

“I, I can’t f-feel anything, it's all too much - ” Albus whispered, trying to wrap his arms around his small body. Scorpius, still holding onto his hand, quickly embraced Albus in a tight hug, Albus’ breathing evening, a steady, peaceful energy descending on the two. 

Feeling like I was intruding on an intimate moment, I quickly got out of my chair and left the hospital wing in a hurry. 

_ What the hell just happened? _

_ Am I that terrible of a brother that I couldn’t even help Albus through a goddamn panic attack? _

I was making my way up one of the staircases when it hit me.  _ I made Albus scared. I did that to him.  _

_ Maybe I should leave him alone a bit.  _ I thought, quickly muttering the Gryffindor common room password.  _ He’ll probably be better off without me. Yeah. _

______________________________

**_Hogwarts Library_ **

**_11.10.2021_ **

Charms were not my strong suit. But I desperately needed an “Exceeds Expectations” in my N.E.W.T's to become an Auror and by the name of Merlin, I was not going to fail this upcoming test. 

"Hey." A small voice interrupted me from my studying. I looked up from my many textbooks to see Albus standing in front of me. 

"What's up?" I asked, Albus falteringly sitting down in front of me, not really meeting my gaze. 

"I'm, um, sorry about what happened." he apologized, twisting his hands together. 

_ Sorry about what?  _ I thought. 

"Sorry about what?" I bookmarked the page I was on and closed the textbook. 

"Last week in the hospital wing. It must've been scary for you to um, watch that, and Dumbledore knows Scorpius has dealt with too many of my panic attacks to count, but I've never really freaked out in front of you like that before, so I just wanted to apologize." Albus spoke quickly, looking down at the table between us. 

_ He's sorry? I caused the whole thing by just showing up like that, and asking him what happened - I should be apologizing, not him! _

"Anyways, I'll see you around." my brother hastily added, tightening his backpack straps around his back and getting up to leave. 

And again, like an idiot, I froze up and couldn't speak, couldn't say  _ Wait, Albus!  _ and talk to him and tell him I'm the one who should be sorry and make sure he's okay and check on his injury - 

But I didn't. Another  _ glorious _ fuck up by yours truly. 

_______________________________

**_Home_ **

**_12.20.2021_ **

To be honest, I wasn't as big of a fan of the holidays as I made it seem. Mum and Dad were always crazy busy, attending work parties and Ministry gatherings left and right, like tonight, while Lily spent half the break sleeping over at her friends' houses and the other half in her own bedroom talking to her friends on the new phone. 

It was just me and Albus at home tonight, with strict orders "not to do anything stupid" - probably a jab at the time I had been left home alone and set fire to the porch,  _ long _ story - and I was making dinner, somewhat successfully.

I had just finished stirring the sauce and the noodles together when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. 

"You want some dinner?" I called out, grabbing a couple bowls from a nearby shelf. "I made pasta, it's not too bad actually - "

"It's okay. M' not hungry." Albus interrupted, briskly walking by the kitchen, grabbing a book from the adjacent living room. 

"Okay, I'll leave the leftovers in the fridge if you want to heat it up or something - " I trailed off, Albus subtly acknowledging my statement, heading upstairs. 

I wasn't gonna lie. The kid looked skinny. I mean, I wasn't exactly  _ buff,  _ us Potters don't really have the genes for it, but I knew I didn't look like Albus. He barely made a sound walking around the house. With my parents and Lily out of the house, it was quiet. too quiet. 

. . .

I woke up to a gut-wrenching scream from across the hall.  _ Albus.  _ I jumped out of bed and ran to his room, bursting through the door to find my brother screaming, thrashing around in his bed, utterly unadulterated panic in his eyes when he saw me. 

A second later and I had wrapped myself around Albus trying to keep him still, holding him tight in my arms while he continued to scream. "Hey, hey, you're okay, Albus, you're okay." I repeated, him fighting against me. "Shh, it's okay. You're alright." I kept saying, starting to feel Albus calm down. 

It wasn't until his heart rate had slowed down and the fear had mostly dissipated that I unraveled myself from the small figure in my arms. 

"You okay?" I asked softly. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Albus replied coarsely, seeming to pretend that the nightmare that had him screaming hysterically moments ago hadn't happened. 

This time, I wasn't gonna let him get away with a lie. To me. To himself. 

"No, you're not." I replied, crossing my legs and adjusting my spot on the four-poster bed.

"You don't have a clue about what I feel." 

"I don't." I watched as Albus chewed on his lower lip. A bad habit I  _ thought _ he'd grown out of -

"But I can listen."

We sat there in an awkward silence until Albus surprisingly spoke up. 

"You think his family's mad at me?" a tiny voice breaking the stillness. 

I didn't need to ask whose family he was talking about. 

"Of course not." I answered, moving closer to my little brother. And little did he seem. In that moment, surrounded by a kerfuffle of blankets and pillows, Albus looked so small. He didn't look like a fifteen-almost-sixteen year old kid, his red, bloodshot eyes and frail arms hanging by his side made him seem so much younger.

"Shouldn't they?" Albus finally met my gaze, eyes filling to the brim with tears. "It was my fault, my stupid idea to think I could actually save Cedric, and at the end of it all, I come out with detention but his family, - " his breath hitches. "- they lost their son." 

I was about to grab one of Albus' shaky hands when I remembered how Scorpius had helped Albus through his panic attack in the hospital wing. 

"Can I touch you?" I asked gently, getting a small nod from my brother. 

I carefully held both of Albus' hands - they were  _ so bony and cold -  _ and continued. 

"You can't blame yourself for what happened. DelphI - " Albus' eyes widened. " - that girl," I corrected, "She chose to do those bad things. You didn't make Craig run out to the pitch to find you and Scorpius, did you?"

Albus slowly shook his head. 

"And you didn't make her fire that curse?" 

Albus shook his head once more. 

"Then you  _ have  _ to stop blaming yourself, Albus. What happened, happened, it was no one's fault but hers - "

"But if I hadn't stolen the time turner and we weren't at the Quidditch field at that time then - "

"Stop." I interrupted, rubbing small circles on Albus' palm. The last thing either of us needed was this spiraling into another panic attack. "I get that it's going to hurt sometimes, but you can't just rub salt into the wound because that's what you feel like you deserve. You didn't kill Craig, Albus. And this pain you feel about what happened," I tried to think of words to say when it entered my mind. 

"This pain is part of being human, the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength." I recited. 

"That, that's Dumbledore." Albus said, slightly confused. 

" _ Albus  _ Dumbledore." I said, reminding Albus of his namesake, "And he was right. It's a part of being human, feeling remorse over loss and death, but it's letting yourself feel, then learning to overcome that pain that makes you stronger."

"Since when did you get that smart?" Albus joked, now half-heartedly smiling. 

"I don't know." I shrugged, grinning. "Maybe it's all that  _ homework _ Neville assigns. Since when did nomenclature worksheets exist for Herbology, anyway?"

"It's Professor Longbottom, and I like his class." Albus said, his smile a little bigger. 

We ended up talking a bit more, then looking at the time, realized our parents would be coming home soon - it was nearing four in the morning - and decided to get some more sleep before the next day's festivities. 

When I woke up the next morning - technically afternoon - I thought it was going to be different. But when I went down to eat brunch, Albus just walked right by, letting me know Lily had finished the rest of the maple syrup, before heading upstairs to his room. 

As I ate my non-syrup clad pancakes, I continued to rack my brain. Didn't we talk? Did I imagine it all? And after all that, Albus was still upstairs, isolating himself from the rest of our family - who were at the moment, putting up a shit ton of fairy-lights in the dining room - and I couldn't think of a single reason why. 

______________________________

**_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ **

**_04.05.2022_ **

I grabbed a piece of parchment to scribble a quick note before heading down to breakfast.

_ you down for some quidditch practice tonight? if you are, send me an owl and meet at the field at eight. you could use it.  _

_ \- James _

I read over the note once more, adding a stupid smiley face at the end so Albus would know I was joking about him needing more practice. In all honesty, he was a pretty good keeper, considering he had hated Quidditch growing up, and had learned most of his flying skills from Mum over the summer. 

Quickly fastening the note to odessa, the owl soared out the window towards the Great Lake, where the Slytherin dorms were. I rubbed my eyes and started to get ready for the day. First class: Charms. Fuck. 

  
  


Albus, having sent me an owl in response shortly after lunch, was at the field waiting for me when I ran to meet him, twenty minutes past eight. 

"What took you so long? It's not exactly warm out." Albus asked harshly. 

"Well, if you must know, I passed a certain girl in the corridor by the locker room and might have gotten, sidetracked." I grinned, goofily raising my eyebrows. 

"You're despicable. Let's practice." Albus replied, adjusting his green practice jersey and tossing the quaffle at me. 

. . .

Practice was good, we tired ourselves out around nine thirty, and headed to the locker room to change. 

"You know, Aspen has a sister in your year - " I winked, grabbing my towel off its hook. 

"I don't care." my brother replied sharply, snatching his clothes from the locker. He narrowed his eyes at me before spitting out, "Can you not look?" 

I turned around, letting Albus hastily change into a hoodie and sweatpants - cloaks weren't mandatory after ten at night on school nights - and turned back around. 

"C'mon Albus, it wouldn't hurt to just ask her out, it doesn't even have to be a big deal, you two can just go to like Hogsmeade or something." I continued, changing into a black long sleeve and pulling on a pair of grey sweats. 

"Just leave it alone." Albus said, storing his broom in the Slytherin closet.

"Alena's nice, she's in Ravenclaw and super smart, I just don't get why you won't - "

"Just leave it alone!" 

Albus angrily stormed out of the locker room with his bag. 

_ And now you've made him upset. Could you be any worse of a brother?  _

I grabbed my own backpack and followed Albus to the field, where he was packing up the equipment. 

"I'm sorry about the teasing." 

"It's fine."

"It's clearly not."

"I said it's fine." 

The detached, apathetic look on Albus' face as he uttered those words, did it for me. 

"Then why do you keep shutting me out?" I bitterly spat out, no longer able to contain my emotions. 

"BECAUSE I HAVE TO!" Albus yelled, exasperated, as he sat down on the clean cut quidditch field. I carefully sat beside him, wary of the outburst. "Because I have to." he replied, this time quietly, almost to himself. 

He picked at the grass as I watched him, concerned. 

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right?" I asked, staring at my feet, laden with muddy shoes, lying on the grass.

_ Please, tell me. tell me so I can help you. You can trust me. I promise. _

"There's nothing to tell."

My heart felt like it was ripped out of my heart.  _ Your own brother doesn't trust you.  _

I took a deep, calming breath. 

"I know I make fun of you sometimes, and I know I haven't been a good brother - a good person, even - but I promise you can tell me anything." 

The unmistakable sound of Albus sniffling made my head swivel sideways to see Albus trying to quickly wipe the tears on his face, to no avail. 

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, wrapping an arm around my brother's shoulder, Albus' head hesitantly coming to rest on my shoulder. 

It was a few moments before he decided to answer. 

"You, you're a good brother, James." he said through sniffles.  _ Me?  _ "I'm sorry I made you feel like you aren't, because you are, you're a great brother, it's just that - " his breathing started to quicken and I squeezed his side a bit tighter, remembering that I had read somewhere that relaxing pressure helped to subside anxiety. 

"It's what?" I said gingerly. 

"It's just," Albus said quietly, his head nesting into my shoulder. "I've n-never told anyone, I can b-barely say it to myself," Albus choked on his tears, continuing. "And I just didn't want anything to change, because Dad's  _ trying  _ and you're being nice to me and people have stopped with the names but it doesn't matter because no matter how much I try to be normal, how much I try to act like it isn't eating me up inside,  _ it's just not fucking enough - "  _ Albus stopped himself from his ramble, pulling away from me. He shifted his position on the grass to look at me, his face barely illuminated by the moonlight. 

"You, you won't tell anyone?"

I nodded, watching his breathing carefully.  _ You can't be the reason he has another panic attack.  _

"I mean it. you can't tell anyone, not even Lily, or Teddy, or Scorpius, not Mum and Dad - "

"I'm not going to tell a single soul, Albus." I insisted, feeling the edges of my mouth curl upward in reassurance. 

"Okay." Albus said quietly, before taking a breath, looking up at the dark, starry sky above us, and then back down at me. 

"I'm gay."

______________________________

**_Gryffindor Common Room_ **

**_05.22.2022_ **

"James. James." An incessant poking under my ribcage woke me up. 

"What?" I asked, agitated. I blinked a couple times and rubbed my eyes until I could make out one of my roommates, Alexander, looking at me anxiously. 

"Your brother, he's downstairs, and I don't know what happened but he showed up at the entrance and he didn't look so good, so I let him in - "

I hurried down the staircase as fast as I could. I found Albus sitting curled up in one of the chairs by the fire, rocking slightly with his head buried in his arms. 

"Hey, buddy." I quietly approached my little brother, kneeling down at the foot of the chair. "We doing alright?"

Albus, head still hidden away in the embrace of his arms, nodded. 

"You want to look up at me?" I asked gently, looking steadfast at the still-rocking, hunched figure in front of me. 

Albus glanced up, his eyes teary and  _ screaming _ worry. I gestured to the couch beside the chair and we slowly made our way over, Albus soon curled up by my side, my fingers running through his hair, muttering little assurances here and there to help him relax. 

It wasn't until the fireplace crackled loudly, making Albus slightly jump, when I decided to ask. 

"As much as I love my brother wanting to spend some time with me in the middle of the night, I would very much like to know why he decided to choose tonight, of all nights, to do so." I smiled softly, glancing down at Albus. 

"I don't want to talk about it." he replied, closing his eyes. 

"What else do you suggest we do then?"

"I don't know about you, but I, for one, would love to find a rock to crawl under and just  _ die."  _

_ That  _ made me nervous. 

"Albus, please don't say stuff like that," I said quickly. "I'm sure whatever happened couldn't be that bad - "

He looked up at me with an expression of  _ absolute _ misery. Brokenness. Pain. 

"We were in the library." Albus started, staring steadfast into the crackling fireplace. "And I don't know how it happened, but one second, Scorpius and I are laughing about something stupid and then all of sudden, we're kissing, and then Teddy walks in, and Scorpius just  _ bolts,  _ and I know Teddy's saying something, but I couldn't hear him and I just couldn't go back to the common room, so I was just running around the castle and I end up here, and at this point I can barely breathe and I'm crying  _ so hard I can't see straight _ , and just when I realized where I was, your friend opened the portrait and - "

"Slow down, bud." I wrapped my arms around Albus - did he get  _ even  _ skinnier? I have to talk to someone about this - and waited until I no longer felt him shaking before I said something. 

"So, what exactly is wrong?"

Albus broke away and glared at me, looking appalled that I would even ask that question. 

"Are you serious? T-Teddy, he knows now, and he can't,  _ he can't know _ , and he's going to tell Dad and everyone's gonna find out, and now Scorpius probably hates me and I'm gonna spend the rest of my two years here completely a-alone, and it's not fair, I-I just want to be normal!" 

"Hey, hey," I said, looking Albus in the eye, putting my hands on his shoulders. "There is nothing wrong with you, you hear me?"

Albus scoffed. "We both know that's not true." 

I couldn't help but take a moment and study my brother in front of me. The kid who saved up his birthday money to buy Lily that ridiculously expensive bracelet she wanted for Christmas, the kid who would  _ literally throw himself off a building  _ if that meant helping his friends, the kid who had  _ every right _ to be happy, yet couldn't accept happiness if it was thrown in his face. 

"Albus." I looked him right in his eyes, the bright green ones we both shared with our father - and repeated what I had said earlier. "There is  _ nothing  _ wrong with you.  _ Nothing. _ And Teddy isn't going to tell anyone what happened tonight, and Scorpius does not hate you, okay? 

You might not feel like getting up in the morning, but I swear on my life that you deserve to. You deserve to wake up, and be you, the real you, and live life and do all sorts of stupid shit that you want with your friends and family because we love you, Albus.  _ I  _ love you. Okay?"

"Okay."

. . .

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." - Albus Dumbledore

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so so much for reading! i absolutely love this fic, it's one of the best and inspired work i've ever written, i hope y'all liked it :)


End file.
